Autumn's World

I have slept maybe 5 hours total in the past few days. My daughter just hit six months old and is going through a mental leap. It is definitely the ugly side of parenting. When your infant goes through  a mental leap or growth spurt that means you don't get much rest. My eyes are blurry and my hands are shaky. My frustration is on the rise and I am trying to remain calm. I love her and I am a good mommy, that's what I have to keep telling myself. If I don't I'm afraid I might just leave my husband to fend for himself. I can't do that though I do love her too much. My daughter is screaming and laughing and playing. She stops for just a moment to smile at me. That is when my heart melts and I come back to my happy place. She is my best friend. My insomnia and anxiety on the other hand, they loathe me. They keep me up for days and exhaust me further. They burn me out to the point that I scream at my husband and threaten to leave. I wish I could enjoy this life that I h...

You were only two days old I was alone with you  Exhausted from giving you life no sleep in sight I love you  you won't stop crying and sleep You only sleep when you eat I am trying to stay awake  I didn't mean to fall asleep  I'm sorry, so sorry  I fell asleep  you were in my arms  so peaceful, eating  you fell asleep so beautifully on my chest  I watched as you took breath after breath I was so tired I kept trying to push through the exhaustion  it was two in the morning You are okay now but I fell asleep I woke up to screams you were on the floor I'm sorry I fell asleep you are growing wonderfully but I constantly think of that day you had two fractures in your skull and a brain bleed you are so smart at almost 6 months old I couldn't be happier but it still weighs heavy on my mind I don't know what the future holds for you what if something is wrong? I can't help but to overthink ...