Autumn's World

THE BAD: Being a mom is not all sunshine and rainbows. It does not matter if you are are young or old, motherhood is hard! Do not get me wrong, I love being a mommy. When I wake up to her smile it makes my day just that much better, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I don't want to wake up and change a diaper. Sometimes I don't want to breastfeed, but I do it because I love her. Being a mom is exhausting!  Okay now that I have the typical ranting out of the way, I can tell you how I truly feel. I feel alone. I feel isolated and even if I'm in a room full of people I feel lonely. I suffer from manic depression and now they say I am suffering from postpartum depression. In other words having a baby pushed my manic depression into overdrive! Little do people know is that this makes motherhood ten times harder on me. My manic phases will cause me to stay up for days looking through Facebook or youtube and even eBay, just to pass the time. It will cause me to feel ove

THE GOOD: I am a typical first time mom, I wanted my little girl to have all the cute monogrammed onesies and blankies. I wanted her to be the cute, bow wearing beauty I know she is. Well, it was going to be that way and kind of still is. She wears pink and floral and sometimes dresses. I can sometimes sneak a bow. My daughter is a beautiful five month old, vibrant and the life of the party everyday. Autumn is very lucky because she has both of her parents, we are married, and she has so many grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, etcetera. She is beyond blessed. My little beauty is a feisty redhead that can get whatever she wants with just a simple cry or a giggle. Her blue eyes will pierce your soul and make you think twice about all of your life choices. This sweet girl of mine made me realize that God is real. She has shown me innocence, beauty, and love that I have never seen before in my almost twenty-three years of life. As I write this first post of many she is a