First Time Mom: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

THE BAD:

Being a mom is not all sunshine and rainbows. It does not matter if you are are young or old, motherhood is hard! Do not get me wrong, I love being a mommy. When I wake up to her smile it makes my day just that much better, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I don't want to wake up and change a diaper. Sometimes I don't want to breastfeed, but I do it because I love her. Being a mom is exhausting! 

Okay now that I have the typical ranting out of the way, I can tell you how I truly feel. I feel alone. I feel isolated and even if I'm in a room full of people I feel lonely. I suffer from manic depression and now they say I am suffering from postpartum depression. In other words having a baby pushed my manic depression into overdrive! Little do people know is that this makes motherhood ten times harder on me. My manic phases will cause me to stay up for days looking through Facebook or youtube and even eBay, just to pass the time. It will cause me to feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to become successful before the depression hits hard. Then when I am not able to accomplish my unrealistic goals in that time frame, my depression hits and it is worse than it should be. When I'm depressed all I want to do is sleep. These phases cause me to not even be able to leave my room for days other than to go to the bathroom and maybe get some food. This scares me for as my daughter gets older. I have tried to get help but it is hard to leave the house for my appointments. I. just wish people could see that I am trying.
It has taken a few days to finish this post because there has been a lot of stuff heavy on my mind lately. Being a new mom, or a mom in general is hard because everyone has something to say about your parenting. Alright guys I'm going to end this post because now I am just rambling on about my issues. It is real and raw but you don't want to hear about that stuff.

Goodnight,
Ashley B.